It's time to speak up

When you've chosen to rebuild in any area of your life some relationships in your life can become stressed. The reason

this happens is because tension has been created between what was and what is and what is needed to bridge the gap: healthy new boundaries and new clarification. What do I mean? I mean you have done your work, you have become soul-fully healthy in areas you previously were not. You decided to interrupt cycles in your life that were only resulting in what you didn't want. You put the work in to change from the inside out and to change your way of thinking. You decided since your life goes in the direction of your thoughts then it was time to start out on a new path. Once you did this you found your thoughts, feelings and decisions changed along with you. So I gently remind you making no decision is a decision to stay the same or in this case keep your relationships the same. So with you now "thinking about what you're thinking about" be encouraged to do the work that is indicative of doing good and feeling good about what comes in and out of your life.

You may even find it hard to communicate your new truth in these relationships because it will require bravery on your part, take massive action and just do it. It can also be frustrating the other person's conversation is the same as it was 10 years, 5 years, 2 years , or even 1 year ago! Let's be honest what you are really thinking is "Can you please find something new to say." The truth is they won't change what they say until they change what they believe, like you did. This in no way puts you on some "better than you" pedestal but it does put you in the place of decision. You must decide if all your hard work is worth being stuck and un-healthy again in life or if you will protect your progress by being and speaking forthright within the relationship in order to redesign the connection.

The present un-comfortability causes stress in relationships because others are comfortable relating to your old patterns so instead begin presenting the new you with every opportunity. When they say things that put the weight of the responsibility of the relationship on you; shift it with a response that makes them responsible for the interaction and health of the relationship as well. If you do not capitalize on the opportunity to redesign the association others will put little effort into recognizing your change and addressing it accordingly within the relationship. In addition, please stop trying to sugarcoat " the stuckness" you know is there to make yourself feel more righteous; that's not righteous that's called enabling. When you enable them you give them the authority to keep you stuck in old patterns. So with this it is hard for them to relate to your new change. The bible says, "a double minded-man is unstable in all his ways" so again, you must decide to promote your new healthy position which gives the other person(s) an opportunity to move forward with you or fade to black or should I say back . It doesn't mean they are bad or need to be kicked to the curb (unless the relationship is abusive in any way) it means new communication is necessary. You've come all this way to remove toxicity out of you so why leave it in your relationships? If the other folks truly believe you are worth the effort they will respond accordingly as should you. So take inventory and shift the weight off the past and put on the future health of your relationships.

You did the work and that is awesome now its time to put courage into play where your communication is concerned. In

other words its time to focus forward to create healthy boundaries in your relationships.The only way to cultivate growth is to acknowledge "I HAVE CHANGED", say it out loud to affirm the belief and the evidence! Speak up, use your voice and politely use your words, "That is not the direction I am going, that plan is not for me or I am going in a new direction" or an even simpler response, "no." It's hard sometimes for people to accept the fact that you are no longer the same person that once was. That's okay. The truth is they will either show the acceptable effort to promote growth of the relationship or step back because it's not worth the effort. I know we have a tendency to romanticize all of our relationships but a big help is to use wisdom that we can truly stand under and design our relationships instead allowing our emotions to lead. Hopefully they decide to work on themselves while salvaging a great relationship with a great person (that's you!). If not, life goes on. Just remember to lead out in love and walk in your truth to make others aware of how you have decided live out your new changes. At the end of the day we were created for relationship so let's make the time to create or re-create them in a healthy way. Time and actions will reveal all true motive, in the meantime try this: ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ 1. Pray for yourself and them. God's grace is sufficient-Love them where they are. 2. Stop taking responsibility for their lack of growth. 3. Acknowledge your own growth. 4. Forgive them and yourself and let go of how it used to be. 5. Set healthy boundaries, speak up! If you don't use your voice you will remain hostage by the old boundaries in the relationship and lose your voice! 6. When they ask you the same questions that is a good time to set a new boundary.

7. Protect your progress-Stand up for the soul-work you've done by being honest, respectful and direct.

Coach Kim

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